"live from the barrel"

This is a formal apology from the deepest part of everything that I am. I'm sorry. So beyond fucking sorry that I can't make myself everything you need. Its obvious I can't be anything to you, but what's more is the electricity that courses through my core when holding onto your gaze. If I was an intelligent individual in any sense of the word I would have been ready for you. I would have had my shit together. I wouldn't be such a fuck up. I wouldn't be so wrong in so many ways. We're perfectly aligned, but this is all on me, and I understand its the truth. I know somewhere inside me that there is always hope. sadly, its a lost one. It is the small seed of an idea that keeps each foot marching on grudgingly. I never know the truth until the message has already gotten around against me, but I can't say I care this time. You're the conversation I need. You're the laughter that heals and breaks me. I am surrendering my will. Its okay, I've been here a hundred times before. I know the drill.

You're completely terrible,

but I lose myself when you speak my name.