Quoted you, quoting me to you.

Want to waste all my time with you. Want to lay in bed all day, watch you unfold. Know how life is going to turn out before it even happens. would you ever think about me, as much as i think of you? "the best of us can find happiness in misery" like i'd rather have a part of you than nothing at all - or not. won't stop until youre mine, or i should stop before i get too ahead of myself for the hundreth time. "I'm sorry - sorry that i'm perfect for you in everyway." can't comprehend how in the hell i found the heart i want to be a part of most - and how its not mine to change. guess always having so much hope in the most hopeless of situations can keep you going. nothing (or no one) else will anyway.



this is unrelated, but i missed you today.
its been awhile. but it felt the same anyway.

WARM WORM.

Know i comment on the most random of ideas. what if you're really meant for no one, and not good for anything. what if you're meant to sleep inside the machine while all the other parts work and do their job. so tired of sleeping. tired of mindlessly working towards an unsatisfiable goal. send my death through the information highway. i guess thats the hardest to understand. the hardest way to give up and be saved. dont want to push you toward what i want most. for once i want someone to be on the side im standing on. for now its just me. guess i could rip up what my soul has left and walk away completely. though i feel so new. can't go through that all again. disillusioned, and fading - fast. and Jesus Christ, yours is the prettiest face. when can i take a turn. asking for someone to share this with. if you're listening, i'm begging for an answer.


"Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
It’ll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through"

As smashed as a broken window.

Want to throw it all back to you. sitting on a porch with the sun in your eyes. it feels like the newest and greatest change of all. i don't want to fake it. wonder if you can see the hope fixed in my eyes. you couldn't be more perfect if i had dreamed you here. convinced i probably did. "maybe youre gunna be the one that saves me." its a beg, and a dream. mostly just a call for someone to answer- for you to answer. cute as a drag queen, and oh god knows ive never laughed harder. the smile you give me could burn this town. and we could set the world on fire. this feeling is the realest thing i've ever known. give me your word and make it a promise. break it and you break me. keep it and you make me. you make us. want to scream im moving on, want to hault and hold on (to you). what more could you ask for? someone untangle my thoughts and let me rest. weave them into the most beautiful of dreams. ill continue believing in you, if you can try to believe in me. show a sign, and im down and out. forever in your wake. and my god how you shine in the light- its blinding.



you're brilliant.

won't let it pass me by

a year ago i could have died. today i'm thriving. living off the "auras" of the greatest people i may have ever met. stuck between old and new, but no matter where i end up i'm proud to say i've moved forward. want to cry because i miss you. want to laugh because i know i'll never really lose you. used to hate that i'd always carry you with me, now i rejoyce. ill never be alone. its the inner child in me that loves this new experience of growing up. been fighting it for so long that letting go feels like going to kindergarden. new and exciting. ive learned so much in the past few weeks. can't wait to find out what lies ahead. asking you to be the one to lead me there. i guess this is less of a metaphoric block of thoughts and more of a way to tell you i'm finally doing well.



pop the glock, and dance forever.

catch my troubled head

guess its better to be let down before you become too invested. its like "hart and sole" really. meeting people who make you see the magic in everything feels completely new. i want to be a part of it all. you said it was like you knew you'd love her. well i knew id feel the same for you. never met someone so perfectly aligned to were my brain waves go dreaming and still have to question whether its right. fall to the floor an pray/beg for something true to finally come around. still hoping maybe that something is you. fight for it. when you're like who i was you can't do anything but loose. now i want to win the world over. smile for the crowd and hope they applaued- take a bow.



end scene.

We keep it running - turn the machine

We are the machine. twist, turn, rot. pull inspiration from the most pathetic places. pray for someone to lift my head. it gets weighed down more and more each day. i don't think there's anyone out there to match where my mind has been. i want to hear it hit the floor. i want a soul to turn to mine and glow. ive never been given a chance. want someone with a heart who's been there. so tired of the norm. someone pick my tired eyes up off the couch. Lord knows ive never prayed harder. please god, let me make it through the night. if youre the one to answer, please don't stay away. I'm begging for a change. folded knees and hands, still humming hallelujah.

For the love of the children!

Almost sorry to say how much i still feel. but hardly true. I'd say you shouldn't flatter yourself, but please do. Yours is an accomplishment trully greater than any I've ever known. "I don't want to ever love another" and so on. I couldn't lie, I hate your eyes. (now I get it) nothing could be more beautiful to me. nothing could hurt more than every two syllables i strain to hear you speak. can't help but smile in your wake. what a wave. "lake effect kid"(1) and God what I'd give to share that with you. It is My Dream. My City. My Child. My Home. My everything. Open your eyes wide, show your beauty, and let it be mine.


1: "it is our thank you to the fireworks on lake michigan and the winters on our breath in the cold months in chicago."


Being in the Grace of God is the most beautiful experience i've had. Hope to keep on keepin' on. its always one step forward two steps back for me. i'll continue none the less. making a written and outward statement to your glory. nothing is too great for you.

Still singing "Hum Hallelujah"