Just Falling.

falling into christmas.

falling out of love, love.

Here's to looking up.

“Life is reason, art is passion.” Life is like a machine. Each person has a job to do that keeps the machine operating and running smoothly as expected. Humans rotate numbly through the motions and snags of life. They are strung along day after day until they exhaust themselves from the oppressions of work and expectation. With the dull aspects of human existence being so compulsory, life would be nothing but obedience to responsibility, logic, and reason without the existence of art.

Art is not only seen as a canvas and a brush, or a landscape and a photographer, but rather art is the collective consciousness of what a person feels, loves, and lives. Art can take on many forms. It can be something seen, something heard, something written or painted, something loved, something dreamed, or something learned; art exists where passion makes itself known.

Passion teaches us to look beyond what meets the eye to where one can witness the power and sheer beauty of this world. Where life teaches society to see old age as a weary and inevitable part of life, the art of understanding shows us the beauty and fulfillment in the wisdom of old age. Through passion art is seen in the acquired knowledge after a failure, and the power and grace in an unbridled storm. The every day formalities of the universe lose their monotony and mobilize into something otherworldly when in the presence of wholehearted passion.

Without passion the common conceptions of physical art would have no fervor or meaning whatsoever. Stripped of the animation passion puts into a work of art a painting would simply be lines on a canvas, a song would be nothing more than words and notes arranged in an analytical fashion, and a dance would have no more significance than a walk down the street.

Life thrives through art. A human soul cannot hope to live for duty and responsibility alone. Intelligence of any level must be entertained and challenged by the objects and entities in a person’s surroundings, and the paramount way to accomplish this essential part of human growth is through the magnificence of earnest art.

Passion is love ignited. It is a spirit on fire, wild with intuition and harmony, and without it the human race would be no more than a common working society. Life is a showcase to display our art. It is a shell to protect and nurture our dreams and our originality to help them grow into the every day wonders of our existence. Life is simply a roadmap for our souls. It is the name we give our duties and loyalties for the sake of reason, but art is the blessing of creativity and intuition, created for no other purpose than to be an expression of our heart’s innumerable passions.

The stars are out, baby they're for you

"Life is reason, art is passion"

only just realized how off track things are. i'd blame it on growing old, but i know the real answers to my own age old questions lie just outside the city. extend the view from my window to where my heart belongs and my chest calls for its safe return. the passion is exhausting on my mind - aches and pains of an out of body nature. i link wishes on a string and hang them in a line above my bed. at night they pulse through the air and settle themselves beautifully on the edge of my bed. watching their shows of the things to come i dream myself awake. its the fire the dreams put under your ass to make you beg for more than just a comfortable place to rest your head.

asking for more than the ordinary.

dreaming beyond the extraordinary.

living somewhere in between.

Beacons

Lady Gaga

Memories Past

The Moment

New Friends

Old Friends

Mom

Best Friend

Soul Mate

Holidays

Stressless

Kisses

Sweet nothings

Miranda Kerr

Teeth

Future prospects

Chicago

Voice

My Bees

Cookie

Hamlet

True love

Parking lots

Dance moves

Breaths

Health

Weight loss

Compassion

Beauty

Stages

Hearts

Passion

Open doors

Night embraces

Drinking games

The Spinning Ball

FOB

Strength

Weakness

Forever friends

Lessons learned

Experience

So many changes from the New Year to now.

So many changes from blog post to blog post.

Starting to feel my own presence

and the significance of my life as an independent unite.

For the year to come my goal is just to be.

Thanks to every heart i've ever loved

and to every heart who's ever found it in themselves to love mine back.

Speechless

its been too long.

the words are here somewhere.

"I'll never talk again"

that was the best music video ever made

interjections mark poignant moments between the flutters of my tired eyes. you're all i ever think about now. though you mean nothing, i know it's just the thought of sharing a stolen moment and falling asleep at your side.

lately i've missed old wounds. like catherine misses heathcliff, i'm nothing without my life. nothing without my soul. you're the rock that holds me down, even now, after all of these years. right now i feel uneasy. everyday i can see your face, and memories of you. but in a short time i'm afraid i'll forget, i know you will too. how can you go on in a world where someone you love, and will always love, is not there for you to protect and keep? on this i fear i lose all sanity. you're the one thing i've ever been completely selfless for.

this feeling is a pit in my chest. an oracle for omens and good hearts to follow and attach to is leaving its home worn down and weakened. so young, yet i know i can't be set to stay here for too much longer. without a hope for something more i may crumble under this prophecy i've created myself.

its the golden ball

New Perspective

finding things to hold my attention throughout the day. knew i was never really meant to be here. begging for an escape. the lines of your face are the most interesting i've seen in a while. wish i had a way to get to know you. not saying you're someone sent to save, just entertain. 

falling into the routine.

counting down the days.

wonder how you are?

anyway..

Where do we go from here

can it be normal to feel like the world is wrapping its hands around my throat? swear it's feet are pressing hard on my chest. i think i feel the core burning white hot in my eyes. talk about weight of the world.

There is so much to say and i can't even bring myself to write it.

I am in love with all the love i've met.

I wish this year could last forever.

Thanks everyone for everything ahead of time.

This is it.

Future Prospects

inside looking out. swear this city looks new. wonder how i missed it so many times before now. flashing lights, steady traffic, climbing buildings to open eyes and open windows on the 20th floor. keeping friends and summer nights preserved in thought. beckoning for pleasures left, if only for a night, while my heart is home - this city. it feels golden. i know too many places ask for me to make my leave and settle my roots in their soil. the truth is, there's a thousand different directions to head. i just might take them all.

street wide eyes

don't want to ever say goodbye.

you've made it okay for me to just be me.

At Dawn

i can see the places in my life where i've given up too much of myself. one side of the sky shines bright - the other waits in darkness for the sun. the glory of an artificial night? there's no metaphor waiting in a blackness you make yourself. 

lately the drink has become an annoyance in the night, and eating causes nothing more than sufficient pain on more than one playing field. even simple pleasures have become an excuse to complain. one pleasure it would be murderous to go without? the compassion and understanding that always comes from familiar faces at just the right moments. 13th birthday - on.

Black or White

haven't written in a long while.

just wanted to document this day in history;

"I'm looking at the man in the mirror"

and a simple "hello"

to connect worlds in a small moment.

windows down playing "the way you make me feel"

to let the streets get a taste of what will be missed.

a "thriller night" and a dance with friends and strangers

to transcend the importance of an icon.

The Legend will never die.

Catch you later, King of Pop.

I know the time stamp won't match with this, but happy birthday. once again another year and i still thank you for everything you've done. i hope you never stop giving me words to match my head. take it year by year. you've got a lot to keep going for.

and to the best friend i have ever known - i now know what it means to truly wonder what my life would be like if this day never happened eighteen years ago. you've shown me a friendship thats true. you are constant. no matter where our lives lead i will count you as one of the greatest influences in my life. never change for anyone or anything (but try everything once) you are meant for something beautiful. i love you from the bottom of my soul.

"I'd die without you"

and "I know i'm who i am today because i knew you"

as you cry

everything in me says you're no good. but please, just don't go. terrified what the world is going to turn into. lately breathing has become more like an option, and less of a necessity. you make the little sanity i have left go up in flames. honey flavored and molten. want to tell you all the ways i'd keep you here. (but to you - you took the little sanity i have left and brought me home. its just easier to go back to this, to him, now that you've chosen to leave me out in the rain. that doesn't mean i want this. im just sorry ahead of time. the honest truth is that i really am trying to escape from you. back to the valentines. so its okay. write me off, but please just don't hate me.)

"And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"
But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on
She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last"

but i know i'll wait for you here.

just a click and a clever tweet away..

they had it right all along when they asked why we fight for this losing game. i never gave them an answer, but i'm pretty sure they already had one. locked up somewhere convenient they've left the guide only meant for the most worthy of eyes. i want to get lost in the disease of summer. read shakespeare in the heat of the afternoon, and bathe in the scent left from your open window. want to find someone sprawled across a cold couch waiting for a chance to admire the bronze and smooth quality of summer tainted skin. want to kiss lips bound to the dusk of bittersweet nights. 

the moon always sets too soon on you. 

front row seat -

convinced love is never destroyed. finding refuge in the strangest places lately. people who said they would be there and still want to lift your head up when it hurts to try - they matter. they are the ones who meant it when they said forever. thanks to you. thanks to those summers and to those nights drawn from long talks and sweet sentiments. spent a day in the sun (it still feels like love). the same feelings and memories are always going to be carved on the hearts of those we've gotten to know.

when you meet new people, who they used to be reflects highly on who they are now. changes and experiences mark the individuality of each heart you speak to. listen to them. give yourself a chance to learn from someone. let their scars aid in the healing of your own.

every minute it gets easier - or so you all should think. thats the grand scheme of it all. completely sane isn't genius or unique at all. 

this place was a sanctuary. now it feels tainted. an unsafe haven.

what i wrote here once felt real. i'm not ashamed in the slightest.

i shouldn't be.

as for you, i hope next time you think twice before you ruin something that's even more important to you. assuming, well, never mind.

anywayS, stay sweet.

home sweet home

back to the beginning, or maybe somewhere before that. gave me the song to explain your head, now i'd like nothing more than to break you down to nothing. can't stop starring in the mirror. the reflection looks back childish and broken. haven't seen her in a while, but she seems happy to see me. ironically, when you let someone save you, they usually gain the power to ruin you. in my case that's never worked out so well. always end up on the wrong side of the bet. it feels familiar walking around this place. the comfort of the madness overwhelms. sleep for days, or not at all. when the world was bright everything felt new. oddly, its good to be back where the demons can crawl out and shake my hand. they take their place on my shoulders, burrow into my chest. better judgement tells me not to make their presence permanent, but i think they're the only thing that will ever be here to stay. been trained to push forward. never leave a person behind (you can use my head as your stepping stool). hope you can see that i'm going to try. you kept my head above water for so long only to raise the water level. just stay around to let me tread. can't stand how i'm miserably letting you have your cake, and eat it too. i wish there was a way to convey the panic i feel when i realize i've got no answers. i'm scared to death. in too many ways you look the same, even with the tears constantly fogging the rims of my eyes. the darkness gives them a chance to roam from one eye to the other and onto the floor. no one knows how that makes my head feel. with you the words were stuck, i wished for them back. now i'd trade all the words for you. dying to be figured out. for now, i'll float in and out of sanity. pretty faces during the day just to meet the girl in the mirror at night.

you don't know who i was before you.

i don't know who i'm going to turn into now.

"maybe next time i'll remember not to tell you something stupid like

I'll never leave your side"

it's going to be a while

been a while since i've felt myself solo, feet stuck to the earth. i know it exists somewhere in the world. the sun feels like love on my skin and i know its true. when you waste time chasing ghosts you find yourself alone. thats true on your end, not mine. i never lied. i never faltered. my persistence was unwavering. fool me once shame on you. fool me twice - fuck you. swear fingers blazing and i know i'm my own better half. my mind works through the thickness quickly. it clears, and somehow i feel free. no need to question. honestly, you never really knew me anyway. when the bubble surrounds more than just your own mind, let me know. immaturity is the act of thinking we need someone else to complete us. ignorance becomes the bubble. combine the two, it makes a good case to dissect and lay out. maybe someone will learn something from this.

the words almost came too easy.

scream my lungs out and try to get to you

always conflicted. you're the only one who gets to me. don't even know what you do to me. waste so much time thinking about you i can't remember what's important. but if you won't let me waste my time with you, i'll waste it the best way i can. if you're gone long enough for me to miss holding your hand, it's been too long. come back to me. when you're distant i wonder where your mind is. i want to add up. i need this to work, but somehow i don't think you're letting go. i know i'm stuck, but i'm ready. afraid if i let it go too far you'll fall back. be honest, could i ever be all you need?

oh, btw. "because i knew you i have been changed for good."

but i know you're wrong this time, and i'm not going to fight it.

still, thank you. for everything.

You can call me - JAMIE

its still hard to find the right thing to say. don't want to get to ahead of myself. one sided with a one track mind means i can't wait for a breath of fresh air (though i know it's going to feel more like a stab in the back)

"I've got headaches and bad luck, but they couldn't touch you."

no games. no indecision.

without being too forward -

yours is the only hand i ever want to hold.

Release? No one's holding.

it's easy enough to say the electricity is maddening.

i remember the exact moment i knew i had to have you. 

so much to say and there's not a rhyme or a reason to help you comprehend.

you feel like home to me.

i know more about things i shouldn't.

always worried i'm not adding up.

say anything, please.

calm my troubled mind.

this is far too heavy - even for me.

I won't walk out until you know

want to be someone's better day. an excitement far better than the normal travels down a crowded hall. want to open the horizon wider. watch where your eyes go and know they'll make it back to me. a madness shared by two. afraid i'm far too better off on my own. feeling more alone than i ever have before. know what makes my heart slow, not exactly sure where to find it. sure few would know how to break this silence. don't want to be social with anything but your shadows on the walls. stay in all day and wait for you. wish i had the power in me to break you, to know what makes everyone tick. drop a time bomb to steal a heart. don't want anything except to be all that you crave. be enough to make you never stop thinking of me. to never need another soul or another breath that feels different than mine. want to make you belong to me. not fair knowing you can't live for anyone. your head is too full with words you can't explain. unlock the shallow thoughts from behind my eyes. - no one's meant to save.

"I'm not sure any of this is making any sense,

 but thank you for making me want to be a better me for you."

Don't complicate it by hesitating

afraid to be away from the sky to long. it rains new with the changes of the day. see changes in myself, reflected in you (sometimes). said it was too much to ask for in the beginning - a need to be near someone is the only common way to explain. easy thoughts for simpler minds. big picture? hate to waste my time. malicious. angry. loving. waiting. search what i've saved over the years on the subject to find a missing mark. incomplete. 

how to be clear escapes me completely.

i should be the calm, walking home feeling you miss. shouldn't want to take a step too far away without me. a word doesn't need to be spoken, but everything should have been said. casual and easy should mean the world as long as its not alone. understand yet? i'm not a fan of the basic or the expected.

edit;

gut you and lay your thoughts out to see how delicately they intertwine. with you i've never been worse off. i think i'll almost be glad when you're gone. it feels too good without you.

sadly enough, we're still held under your thumb.

wondering where my head wandered off to

been less willing to write lately. fearful i might say something wrong. hate you, yet i can't find the means to stay away. love you, but can't find a way to get you close enough. found a new meaning for you. hope you know in the end you always win. hands down. an ember left bright enough to reignite the flame. you've saved a soul too far gone. pushing too hard while pressing ultimatums. still, thanks for never leaving my side. peaking sun, winding road - find me a permanent home.

you've always looked new to me.

"There's a few things that I just need you to know

Like the way I felt when we were close,

And how the stars explode every time you are near."

rescued.

your's is still my favorite face.
ache to trace its plains with my fingertips.
become familiar. i just never want to forget.



"Cause I'm feeling like I might need to be near you."

love, we've never been so far

sounds outside the window sound as far as the center of the universe. usually that place resides in your head, without you i've traced it back to its original origin. could say i'm hung up because there's nothing else - that would end up a lie in the end. some how you don't know that. you haven't always been the place i call home. its the sickest feeling knowing all i need is to be reminded some how you exist out there. still, its nothing more than a joke to you. need to find sleep somewhere soon. keep looking out


can't believe i became one of the people i can't stand.
and to you of all people.
i followed the sound of illumination around the corner
turns out it was only a trick of the light.
coming around.


sorry to everyone for being so vacant lately


stay in love

Baby, thought I'd come along for the ride.

reflect yourself back from my eyes. attempts to deflate your ego only make it grow. take a piece of me with you to the places you wander. the places where i was never meant to follow. mark the sounds and the sights deep in woven strands and bring it back to me. spread them out like cloth to set the memories back in order - watch you come to life. learning in circles. a day without a breath of you wakes the monster under my skin. the most evil sin speaks as loud as the love we throw out. yesterday's news is nothing more than today's trash, and what if the world truly is this dark without you? mood swings push my head back and forth. who you are today always reminds me of who you were a week ago. nostalgic for things not long past. jelly bean to extraordinary words, and oh how your's is easily the greatest mind.


i digress.


"You're all the consolation I ever needed"


It'll be easier to say I want to turn to someone and catch a staring eye. is it too much to condem another heart to fall as hard as this one has? surely it is. still can't help but welcome a sleepless night if someone is there to notice the smell of your hair or the saddness behind your eyes.

a real class act

someday the words will all compile here. said i could match myself A to B with you. in the end that doesn't hold sway. a resounding note, a pressing thought - they don't connect. when it comes to a heart that waits compared to a heart that wanders we miss the mark completely. been crying for days now, and too afraid to really let a soul know where i'm going. could keep asking the same question that not even your faintest and quivering voice could answer. waning moon, could i have a little more time? come fall lifeless calls will nestle their way into your inbox. deem it a home, call it a life. miss the comfort of the clock in the cornor and a green light asking for a go. walking on ground far too unstable to hold such heavy thoughts. pensive. can't speak without tying suttle slander to each lasting remark. reaching for the glass to toast the light of a former spirit. lost in a short time, we give a thank you to the memories you made for us. shameful somehow the ride ended too quickly, so would it be too bold to ask when the wild became the tame? defy what you know, and dispell what you think. you're rude and predictably hard to understand. falling over myself after tripping over your words is the only thing i do well.



always thinking wrong.
don't blink.

it's you - constantly

everything sounds too loud. starting to wonder where we're going - looking for the answer. "no hart and sole" never a soul better understood. let me take you down farther than you want to go. about to jump out of my skin. there has got to be a name for this. true, blue.



"you're the reason why i burst and why i bloom."

show the world the fucking thunder

you've changed everything. you've been there from what feels like the begining and just now i have finally realized the reason why you were put into my life. you're beautiful. you have a way about you that the myopic majority of people just don't understand. stop looking at the ground. look ahead - for what waits there for you is beyond what i could ever explain. i am on my hands and knees screaming at you from across the wires to stop. don't move. take a breath, and feel. let yourself be the change in the world. we are waiting for you. i will not accept you being less than anything you are meant to be. we would all truly live in a better place if you just let yourself go. the most influential people in life are those who dare to be, and i've never been so sure of that. i'm positive that those who don't take a second look are those who do not matter. from you i have gained the passion to be the person i want to be. i hope someday you give yourself that same inspiration. stop hiding.




thats the truth, now take the dare.

the city makes a perfect place to sleep

words don't come so easy. the songs don't sound the same. a permanent change. the idea is overwhelming. suddenly with you, the earth expanded. nothing seems impossible - all seems out the ordinary. "you were the song all along." change my world so incredibly. hate that you'll never know just how much. learned that everything is always the same, but the miserable can find a way around it. tongue tied and wasting time with you. if given the chance, i'd shine. go down together, stay. whisper i love you behind your back. reaching out a cold hand, to be touched by colder eyes. the same person carrying the same heavy troughts. i can't help you lift them, but i can help you understand. slowly weave through the spaces that have for far too long been crowded. i know we'd end up throwing our backs out, but i can't let you go without trying.


fighting for a lost cause.

you are not my captain

turning a greek myth into a modern reality.
turning unmeasurable limitations into readable symptoms.
turning a simple statement into a lasting creed.
turning descriptions into actual events.
a masterpiece of a mind turning an idea into life.

Roman Rule

believe in the simplest of things.
the day shined brighter than you ever had.
the souls of my shoes are worn
sole driven.
ink is running - minds are too.
reflect off the snow and into your eyes.
diamonds.
phases of my mood come easy in the morning
you come easiest with the phases of the moon.
there's a new face for every shadow.
winking man, sinking feeling.
cry in the dark
let the notes knock your brain.
ache for your voice
the songs send you mine.
lonely wishing on a lucky spark that went out.
thank God we're young, kid
still waiting for the light.

without you, i'm just me

"For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes,
Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,
Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader.
Search narrowly the lines!- they hold a treasure
Divine- a talisman- an amulet
That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure-
The words- the syllables! Do not forget
The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor
And yet there is in this no Gordian knot
Which one might not undo without a sabre,
If one could merely comprehend the plot.
Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering
Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus
Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing
Of poets, by poets- as the name is a poet's, too,
Its letters, although naturally lying
Like the knight Pinto- Mendez Ferdinando-
Still form a synonym for Truth- Cease trying!
You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you can do."


--

asking only to be your Frances Sargent Osgood.

losing sleep over this

how do you live in a space
without the words to explain



want to put this into words for once. this style comes from the most admired soul - it isn't my own. where this belongs changes from year to year. for now its yours. skin blazing. i'll set fire to the building (just don't go.) the thought of you in the world skips a beat and rewinds to the first day i remember the light. never imagined how it would feel to understand. the bone stiffening, back breaking weight tightens. it doesn't lift. reaching out. know i'll never feel level.



you were never mine.

stay with me, love

driving down roads we paved together. sharper intensity with you becomes dull and lifeless without you. said this before and i'll say it again, "you arn't my good luck charm anymore." tell me what your dark eyes see. do you even remember how to see in the light? pictures remind me of what you were. give a glimpse into what you've become. haven't even begun to scratch the surface. still told to wait here for the change. stuck on a pause with the only thing i've ever understood. always understand what i mean better than anyone. i'm my own better half. ready to do it all over again - but this time get it right. it's too late to write me off. i've already casted you aside.

staring at a computer screen gets you no where.
"I will never believe in anything again"




the world will end
the sky will fall
focused on the brightest star i've ever seen
going down on a day one in a million
the destruction is black in the starlight

talking in circles again

the new year always brings new promises. break the pattern. could use somebody, if only for a while. drive on the highway and pour over the nameless people and their endless possibilities. the sky mixes and somehow twists my heart into a beatiftul version of its former self. it feels new. its welcomed. your notes stick to my skin - send electricity up my spine. this feels like home on my end. exactly where i want to be.



foolish.
2009 bring some insight along with the new year.
This is it.