its like standing across a valley in the mountains. you stand ridged and alone at the highest peak. you can almost make out the voices of people who love you as they shout across the gap. they plead at you and beg for you to make your way across the valley to them. to safety. they sound desperate and longing, but some how hopeful that you might finally count yourself among them. the breeze is tickling your skin and making its way through your ears. you squint and attempt to locate them with everything you've got left, but its hopeless. you step forward, but you're crippled by the task ahead of you and fall to your knees. your heart breaks. your bones ache to the core of you. as your head falls and you buckle under the pressure, that raging voice in the back of your head starts to laugh maniacally. you know it's been right all along. you can't win this battle. you pick yourself up and descend down the opposite side of the mountain stone faced, bruised and alone.

wanting my forever high. i want to write my name on the ceilings of the world. i pulled the puzzle out of the closet again today, only to remember some of the pieces have been missing for years. not to mention that sad and lonely child starred back at me in the mirror. seeing her only brings on the heavy hearts and bad luck. i'm going to take everything and blow it out of the water because i've got nothing else. the amount i've invested in such unstable bets is unnerving, but more problematic are the paralyzing thoughts that unexpectedly creep into my head. trying so hard to stay in the light of the sun, but if i continue basking in this artificial light - i'll end up burning.

momentum is fleeting.

i might just stay stationary for a while

and wait.