No gorgeous, you're not pretty.

You're nothing.
You can't write me your soul.
You can't play me your heart.
You can't think of anyone but yourself,
but I understand.
You can't write my your soul,
so you steal mine.
You can't play me your heart,
so you break mine.
You can't think of anyone but yourself,
well that's okay.
I can't stop thinking about you either.

Rest your pretty head, Glamour Queen.

Only so many years under my belt and i already have doubts about this whole thing. i want to find it all out now. where am i going to end up? who am i going to end up with? and why is this so hard? so hard to just be and let be. i want to wear a mask all the time. i never want to leave my room again. i want to move far far away and cut off all ties with the outside world. i want to walk around a city alone at night and just watch life unfold. i dont think we take time to do that enough. we get to caught up in ourselves rather than the lives we live. the people i admire most are the people who think they know who they are. i hope no one catches on to me. im making a break for it.

"Maybe you could learn to breathe through your nose"

Hallows Eve.
You can't get much better than pretending to be everything you're not. Finally getting to spend a night with you. I find myself thinking about you more and more as the year stretches on. I don't mind not thinking about you. I think. Or well, so I thought.




A Vampire "Transforming" into Darth Vader.
What could be a better costume?

Party Queens

Sometimes I'm just over it.
Most of the time I want to live forever.

Neon Night Life

"Who dares wins."
That's really the only way to explain it.

I dream of you.

Block.
Whenever you come back I get this feeling I just can't shake. I want you to know I don't want you anymore. I won't let you win me over time and time again. You arn't my moon. Stop trying to pull me towards the shore. "You arn't my goodluck charm anymore." You arn't the only thing on my mind. For better or for worse? In sick and in health? mostly just sick of you. I remember that fall. I fell for someone else with you standing next to me. Can you deal with the fact that my pain is heavy, and I've place it souly on YOUR shoulders? I've got this feeling that things are going to change. Keep praying they do.

"I am the luckiest"

When I feel small I get defensive.
I get malicious.
Speak with condesending words
and let arrogence will out.
I am not sorry for being this way.
It is who I am,
and I am no longer changing for anyone.
"Here's my heart take care of it."
Well this is the part where they start to drop it,
and here is the part where you put up your walls.
You can't break me if I don't let you in.
Leaving you with a cold and broken hallelujah.


Thank you Jeff Buckley.

prvmewrng

I'm Sorry

I wish I had a billion birthdays all at once

Doubtful. moving down on your list of priorities. i love driving after hours. its not so much as an obsession as a way to hold on. no matter what they won't leave. they won't make you feel small. in their eyes you're larger than this. youre greater than what the naked eye can see. put yourself under a microscope. its easier to forget you. though ive never forgotten. think of me when you sight the smog covering my city. i am lake michigan. i am the broken faces on the streets. i am everywhere. and you are everything to me. i still can't remember a smile that made me feel okay. finally a rest without the birds. without the shattering shivers. without you lurking in the dark. (if only, if only) OJ was never more than a simpson. until now. why can't i breathe? breaking. and hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt.

Techno Death

The wind in the car mocks a touch on my face. you feel most alive when youre close to death. you could almost feel its calm. like rattling in the walls. its never really gone. "lover you should've come over" losing almost feels like winning. until you realise they've won the greatest prize. a hand scraping the back of your shoulder and where did our love go. do away with me. its not that hard to figure out.

The cold freezes your nose

blast from the past.
or maybe just from yesterday.
sick or maybe just sick in the head
no one knows how it feels
heaving stomachs and aching bones.
i want to rest my eyes on you.
close them around your face
keep you painted behind my eyelids.
pity in the worst form.
shame and fatigue.
youre talking about how you want it all
save some for the starved.
i smell you all around
like a daydream with special effects.
i just wish i could dream you here

Audrey stole my scene

The end of summer comes down to breaking old habits and starting new ones. It doesnt really matter where you fall on the list, because that side always wins. somehow it always comes back to you. every night it was always you lurking in the dark. you keeping me awake. the road we pave only gets better with time. to me ive never said a truer sentence. to you i probably make all sence of a 2 headed coin. no matter. call heads and you always win. always.

"Look to the past"

still not sure who im going to turn out to be.
still living in moments with you that make me feel alive.
breaking the silence with your voice.

The sheets on your bed are the flowers on my casket

when im laying in the sunshine i can feel you next to me. i couldnt come up with a better way to say this except for that i know im supposed to end this life we live holding onto you. "i want to be known for my hits, not just my misses" except in hit or miss situations you only ever hear about the screw up. The Screw Up- the kids who've got it made. you couldnt stop laughing if you wanted to. you know as soon as the air comes back into your lungs you feel the pain. the screw ups would rather go on. the screw ups are the kids you say hi to, but laugh when they walk away. because its easier to build them up than to be a decent person. you can't be afraid of death when you never had a chance to live. The Screw Up. He is the collective us, sharing a sigh of relief. exhausted and numb. warm us up, because we're only ever as cold as the glances you throw us. pity and shame. it shakes your core until your bones feel like they are going to bleed. trying so hard, perhaps too hard to make you think that they are worth your time. the screw ups, sharing a sigh of relief when every awkward conversation, every odd moment, and every stupid studdering sentence finally comes to an end.


"Its the sword that we will live by, even if it means we have to die this way."

Abandon All Hope

Begging for this to stop. its not the dream you hope for. just the eyes searing, mind blazing, stomach wrenching, shoulder shuddering, back breaking depression that controls every aspect of your sad little state. youd trade your soul for the cool dark room depression in the songs you base your life on. a fond farewell and all. just when you think you've moved on it comes back in such a way that you feel as if there will never be happiness in the world again. your own personal death eater, here just when you need him. (remind me to thank J.K. for such a studious and personal creation.) and when its not here it feels like youve lost your best friend. no matter how many angles you study it from you cant win here. youve never won so basically its a given loss anyway. they had it right when they said its better not to care. the less you care, the less to lose. simple, and tambourine that shit.




____aholic

"Dear you, tonight lets get ahead of ourselves"

go back to that summer and remember what it meant to you then. I think sometimes you have to break your own heart to feel alright. like you've got to stop it from working the way it was and make it function the way you want it programed. all your troubles were only ever self-inflicted and over exaggerated. stop the vicious cycle all together. find a niche where you feel alright and stay there until it passes. moral of the story - if it won't stop raining, make your own fucking sunlight.


I'm going to burn down Neverland. I want to grow up so fast that I can't remember what happened. I do not want this life any more and no one is going to stop me. All I keep hearing is "we have control" well if we have control, here it is right out in the open. I want it all to be over. And I want it to be over now. Say whatever you want, think whatever the fuck you want, but this is what I want. This is what I believe and this is what I'm going to make mine because no matter who it hurts. I'm done, and I'm not sorry. I don't believe in forever because I don't believe in today. I refuse to look back. I want to move foward at the speed of light.


You're mind pulls at what it was like back then and how it feels right now. And I always find myself back at that summer. I remember what it felt like beside you, and how you looked draped with the glow of the fire. I hate how much it hurts living in a moment you wish you could erase. I don't just want the burrial and tombstone I want the fucking memorial parade.


It's a trick of the light. same meanings, just cleverly contrieved words arranged so you can/'t understand.

I've got all these feelings and no place to put them : take two

Just so you know I'll never get rid of that collage you made for me and I don't regret wasting my money to get you a mcflurry when you were crying and i'll miss how crazy your house is in the morning when im trying to sleep because we were up way too late the night beforetalking about the rest of our lives and how monotonous things can get right when you thought they couldn't get any worse
I never let things go
expecially things i really love
/rant.


can't help but feel something's missing. i try to hint at it but no one's ever been too good at following my broken paths. i miss things i shouldn't miss and im thinking about things i shouldnt ever think about. everytime this comes back i get a feeling in my stomach and i know it wont ever leave. everytime you come back i pray you stick around forever. my mind goes back and forth until its not okay to think anymore. oxygen (or whats left of it)spreading to every other limb except my brain. theres always something to be said. feel useless and irritating.



sighs
and back to the real world.