home sweet home

back to the beginning, or maybe somewhere before that. gave me the song to explain your head, now i'd like nothing more than to break you down to nothing. can't stop starring in the mirror. the reflection looks back childish and broken. haven't seen her in a while, but she seems happy to see me. ironically, when you let someone save you, they usually gain the power to ruin you. in my case that's never worked out so well. always end up on the wrong side of the bet. it feels familiar walking around this place. the comfort of the madness overwhelms. sleep for days, or not at all. when the world was bright everything felt new. oddly, its good to be back where the demons can crawl out and shake my hand. they take their place on my shoulders, burrow into my chest. better judgement tells me not to make their presence permanent, but i think they're the only thing that will ever be here to stay. been trained to push forward. never leave a person behind (you can use my head as your stepping stool). hope you can see that i'm going to try. you kept my head above water for so long only to raise the water level. just stay around to let me tread. can't stand how i'm miserably letting you have your cake, and eat it too. i wish there was a way to convey the panic i feel when i realize i've got no answers. i'm scared to death. in too many ways you look the same, even with the tears constantly fogging the rims of my eyes. the darkness gives them a chance to roam from one eye to the other and onto the floor. no one knows how that makes my head feel. with you the words were stuck, i wished for them back. now i'd trade all the words for you. dying to be figured out. for now, i'll float in and out of sanity. pretty faces during the day just to meet the girl in the mirror at night.

you don't know who i was before you.

i don't know who i'm going to turn into now.

"maybe next time i'll remember not to tell you something stupid like

I'll never leave your side"