like wildfires

I am dirty and I am shitty, and I will make no more excuses for that. You're the one thing in my life that stands by me without question. You take this hollow existence I create for myself and with nothing more than the truest belief in everything that I am, you set a fire under me. You are pure. You hurt and you love. Your trust is always earned, and I will burn in silence for causing a disruption in this relationship that we have built. In a short time priorities can aline themselves. Always taking the good with the bad. Learning from mistakes and praying that you never lose the strength in your heart to stand by me. You're my favorite blessing, and you should know that I will always place my bets on you, always. and I will constantly sacrifice for you, because you do it for me more than i wish to admit. Realizing now that the things I desperately think I need, I don't. I want you to understand the meaning behind these simple sentences more than ever. You make me want to be better, because this villain needs a hero like you.

So I will keep raging, but not for the same reasons I have before. Making diagrams for all the shit and disappointment there is in this world so that the people I care about never end up on the wrong side. To those that I love the feeling is immense, and I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you and your ability to put up with this fucked and dented heart. To the rest of you, fuck you. I don't want any of your bullshit. Not now, not ever. I don't want any piece of your life, and I hang my head in shame as you waste your time being the trite and cliche little shits that you know you are. I'm accepting the fact that wanting to be good doesn't always mean you can be, but the people you choose to put in your life should should be markers of the goodness inside of you, and goddamn it i've got some of the best. i will keep trying to accept myself and my potential because you all deserve that. Every heart I know outdoes my expectations of them, plus some. I would gladly settle to be even a fraction of the person my friends are.

I don't want to be a disappointment.

I am making promises. and I will keep them.

Most importantly, I'm just sorry.